The Premier League’s return is almost upon us. Doing this ahead of every season is a nice reminder of how quickly things can change in the relentless, dog-eat-dog world of top flight football. And each summer break throws up new and intriguing storylines too, with this year’s main themes including Arsenal’s near-impossible quest to dethrone Guardiola’s virtually unstoppable City juggernaut, the rest of the ‘Big 8’ all being incredibly hard to separate, new managers with big questions to answer at West Ham and Brighton, and whether the likes of Palace and Bournemouth can build on impressive early signs under their respective bosses.

On a slightly sour note, it feels as if the gap between the Premier League and the Championship has never been greater, and thus the whole pyramid system has never seemed so broken. Leicester, Leeds and Southampton all looked far, far too good for the Championship last season and yet two of them now return to the top flight looking short of quality compared to the rest of the division. Worse still, the impending points deduction for Leicester (because of yet more PSR breaches) renders the effort of getting promoted back at the first time of asking almost meaningless.

Anyway, the predictions. I didn’t do badly with my guesses last season, so here’s to hoping the following ends up being an accurate reflection of the season ahead!

20^th– Nottingham Forest

Forest are one of those teams where it feels like they’ve avoided relegation almost by accident thus far, and that can never be sustained for long. Really, they should have gone down last season, with a poor tally of 36 points (not counting their -4 deduction for PSR troubles). They were just lucky that the three promoted teams were the worst ever trio in Premier League history, but this year I’d argue Leicester, Ipswich and Southampton all look better than Forest. Nuno is a solid, if unspectacular, manager but you just know he’ll be sacked as soon as they go on a winless run and I don’t see anyone else coming in to save them this time.

19^th– Leicester

Leicester might have just had the most deflating title-winning post-season of all time. Firstly, their manager was poached by Chelsea, then their best player went with him. There is also the looming threat of a points deduction, which could prove too big an obstacle to overcome for a team that was always likely to be in the bottom third of the table anyway. Steve Cooper is a criminally underrated manager in my view, but he’s also not the inspiring appointment that their fans were craving. In a division as strong as this, they look set to be left behind.

18^th– Southampton

I’m not as sure on this pick as I am the previous two, as Southampton look they like have a decent squad, with a promising young manager. I think their issue might be the same one that cost Burnley last year, and that’s their style of play. Playing a risky possession-based style works in the Championship when you have the better players, but giving the ball away in dangerous areas is footballing suicide in the Premier League. Man City 8-0 Southampton already has an ominous, inevitable ring to it…

17^th– Fulham

I say it every year, but I swear I don’t have an agenda against Fulham! Their relative stability since promotion is a testament to the job Marco Silva has done, because every time I weigh up the prospects of the twenty teams, they always look like one of the weaker squads. The sale of Joao Palhinha is arguably a bigger loss than the departure of Mitrovic the year before, and they have an appalling away record. They’ll probably still pick up the odd big scalp at Craven Cottage, but they can’t keep chalking up defeats to the bottom half sides and hope to stay out of trouble.

16^th– Ipswich

Ipswich are undoubtedly the most impressive story of the previous two years in English football. Kieran McKenna has taken them from the middle of League One to the Premier League in a little over two years, and has done it with an exciting and uncompromising brand of football as well. They arrive with the biggest feel-good factor of the promoted teams, further buoyed by McKenna committing himself to the club after strong interest from Chelsea and Brighton, and I can see them riding that momentum to an impressive start to the season. After Christmas will be tougher, but if the hype around McKenna is to be believed, then he could well lead them to an unlikely and hugely creditable survival.

15^th– Wolves

Wolves exceeded expectations last time out, with Gary O’Neil doing a great job in stabilising the club after Julen Lopetegui’s acrimonious departure. However, they still only finished 14^th and some untimely injuries in the latter stages of last season highlighted the lack of depth in their squad. Selling ever-present club captain Max Kilman to West Ham is another blow and all this means that they fall into ‘mid-table at best’ territory once again.

14^th– Brentford

For the first time since they were promoted three years ago, Brentford endured some difficult spells last season. The storied return of their talisman Ivan Toney from a betting ban was a bit of an anti-climax in the end, as he endured a barren goalless run, whilst he seems to have talked himself out a move to a bigger side by over-estimating his own value. However, they are getting a lot of key players back from long-term injuries and Thomas Frank’s managerial nous combined with their flexible and awkward playing style should ensure they still have more than enough to survive.

13^th– Brighton

Similarly to Brentford, Brighton were perhaps due an underwhelming season after years of over-achievement and the wheels appeared to come off a little bit after a sensational start to life under Roberto De Zerbi. Now the enigmatic Italian is gone, Brighton have made arguably their most “Brighton” decision yet by appointing the 31-year-old Fabian Hurzeler, whose only managerial experience is at German second-tier side, St. Pauli (albeit who he won the title with). Their ownership have more than enough credit in the bank to justify such a punt, but it feels as if others have gained ground on the Seagulls and perhaps a transitional and inconsistent first season under Hurzeler is to be expected.

12^th– Everton

After years of chaos and successive last-gasp escapes from relegation, have Everton finally found some stability? Certainly not at board level, as the proposed takeover from the Friedkin group seems to have fallen through, fuelling further concern about their long-term future. On the pitch however, the reliable steering of Sean Dyche has made them a hard-to-beat outfit. They coped well with the points deductions last year, and with a clean slate this time around, as well as some exciting new additions, they should be able to finally start looking up the table.

 11^th– West Ham

West Ham were the hardest team to predict this year, by some way actually. That’s because it seems just as likely that they’ll be the ones to gatecrash the elite and push for a European place, as it does that they’ll be dragged into the relegation battle. David Moyes is gone, which has led to greater excitement, but also greater uncertainty. I personally think they could have been more ambitious than appointing Julen Lopetegui as manager, but if the near-daily rumours actually turn into confirmed signings, they could end up having the most exciting transfer window of any side. If I had to call it, I’d say a likely significant tactical adjustment will take time to implement and thus it will be a slightly deflating mid-table finish for the Hammers this time around.

10^th– Crystal Palace

Crystal Palace have been in the top flight now for twelve consecutive seasons, but have surely never been as interesting. Oliver Glasner quietly revolutionised the South London club when he arrived in February and they finished the season looking as good as anyone. Since then, they’ve sold Michael Olise to Bayern Munich but have so far kept hold of their other star players and made some clever acquisitions of their own. There’s still too big a gap for them to dream about Europe, but Glasner has a reputation as a cup specialist, so perhaps that should be their main goal this year.

9^th– Bournemouth

I said of Bournemouth last year: “This will either go one of two ways: Iraola will live up to some of the hype and become the next Pochettino or De Zerbi, or it will prove a disaster and he’ll be gone by Christmas.” Well, it was the former! After a rocky start, Iraola manged to instil a hard-pressing and dynamic style into this Bournemouth team and with a summer of minimal disruption, I think they’re best placed to be this season’s surprise package. If they do manage to better last season’s finish, expect Iraola to be poached by a bigger side, as he appears to tick a lot of the boxes the continent’s elite look for in their managers.

8^th– Chelsea

I don’t think I’ve ever felt this negative about Chelsea going into a new season. Despite all the chaos of last year, we finally seemed to be making progress under Pochettino, ending the season with five straight wins… and then they got rid of him. Enzo Maresca is an intriguing choice to replace him, but he would have been nowhere near the Chelsea job had he not have once worked under Pep Guardiola. His appointment is just the latest divisive and reactive decision of the Boehly-Clearlake ownership, who, for all their talk of ‘the long-term strategy’, basically just copy whichever club is currently having success. Added to that, the disgusting treatment of home-grown talents Gallagher and Chalobah, seemingly to accommodate aggressively mediocre signings like Tosin and Dewsbury-Hall, means that we seem to have taken five steps back at the exact moment there was actually an opportunity to move forward.

7^th– Aston Villa

The latest disruptors of the increasingly immaterial “Big 6” are Villa, under the outstanding stewardship of Unai Emery. However, as Newcastle found to their cost last season, qualifying for the Champions League is both a blessing and a curse, with the unfamiliar addition of high-level midweek games often leading to a dip in league form. More frustratingly, the flawed nature of the league’s financial rules effectively punishes those team who over-achieve, and Villa have had to sell Douglas Luiz and Moussa Diaby to comply. The margins at the top are so small that even such minor inconveniences can cause you to be leap-frogged by the league’s big boys and that could well be the case for Aston Villa in 2024-25.

6^th– Newcastle

As they enter the third full year of their Saudi ownership, Newcastle have hit something of a crossroads. Like Villa, they had to sell to keep their finances in order (as ludicrous as that is for the richest club in the world); Eddie Howe seems a strong choice for the vacant England job, and they endured a topsy-turvy, but ultimately disappointing, season last time around. With no European football as a distraction this time, I expect them to be more consistent, with their high-energy playing style better suited to only playing once a week. Champions League qualification probably hinges on if Alexander Isak can stay fit. If he can, they’ve got an outside chance.

5^th– Tottenham

Ah, Spurs. Always a bridesmaid and all that. After years of stagnation and huge disenchantment within the fanbase, Tottenham finally seemed to have turned a corner last year when Ange Postecoglou took the league by storm (until October anyway). It all ended with a whimper in the end, as it so often does with Spurs, with questions being asked of Big Ange’s high-risk tactics. In comparison to those around them, they’ve had a fairly stable pre-season and that should stand them in good stead for another crack at the top four. The problem is that when the crunch comes in April/May, you just know they’ll fall short one way or another.

4^th– Manchester United

United’s last four league finishes: 2^nd, 6^th, 3^rd, 8^th. What the hell do you take from that?! If you follow the pattern, then they’re due an improvement on last year’s dismal placing. Apparently it’s a “new” United now, thanks to the takeover and immediate revamp of the footballing operations by Jim Radcliffe. However, they’re still coached by Erik Ten Hag, who has shown that an FA Cup win has enough merit to excuse an abysmal league season (or was there just no-one else available…) and the same inconsistent figureheads remain the key men: Fernandes, Rashford and somehow even Sancho! Mocking aside, United do seem best placed to benefit from the disjointed (or downright self-destructive) summers of their rivals and should be a decent bet for a return to the top four.

3^rd– Liverpool

The team with the biggest change to deal with are surely Liverpool, if mainly on an emotional level, with the departure of Jurgen Klopp. His successor is the somewhat unheralded Arne Slot and it’s inevitable there will need to be a period of adaptation, mainly because Klopp had been there so long that the entire team was built in his image. However, I would argue Klopp actually did some of Slot’s rebuilding for him last summer, with a complete midfield overhaul. Unlike when Ferguson and Wenger left United and Arsenal respectively, Klopp has gifted Slot a very exciting and well-rounded squad to work with and the Dutchman would disappoint if he didn’t match last year’s third place finish.

2^nd– Manchester City

Yes, I know. This is like betting against Kim Jong Un being President of North Korea. We are in an unprecedented period of dominance within the English top division and whilst City’s significant financial might has a lot to do with it (and potentially their rule-bending tendencies…) it is also due to the relentless perfectionism of Pep Guardiola. The incomparable Catalan has hinted this could be his final season, which is fantastic news for the rest of the league, but worryingly he’ll surely want to end on a high. If I was actively trying to find reasons they might not win for a fifth year in a row, it would maybe be the age of some of their key players. Ederson, Walker, Stones, Kovacic and De Bruyne are all now 30+, but that is the definition of clutching at straws.

1^st– Arsenal

If it doesn’t happen for Arsenal this year, then it never will. They’ve made notable improvements year-on-year, both in improving their team and squad and in terms of mentality and playing style. They had the best defence last year and have now added Ricardo Calafiori to their ranks, as well as basically having Jurrien Timber as a second new signing, after his ACL injury in the opening games of last season. Most people consider their only weakness to be the lack of a 20-goal striker, but they still managed to score 91 goals as a team last year, so they’re not exactly short of firepower. Mikel Arteta joked that it would take 114 points to guarantee the title. 100 should be enough, but anything less than that and you’re in the Guardiola danger zone once again.

It’s that time again! Christ I’ve missed football this summer; I have honestly not known what to do with myself. We are due to have the most “normal” Premier League season for a good number of years, with no mid-season World Cup and no Covid breaks or delays (we hope!). I’ve deliberately left the predictions as late as I can this year, as last-minute transfers can have such an impact on the prospects of the various sides, though I’m sure there will be plenty more twists and turns before the window shuts on September the 1^st. Here’s how I see this latest instalment of the greatest league in the world playing out…

20^th– Luton

I was so pleased that Luton got promoted as it proves that even in an era of money-dominated ‘superclubs’, anyone can still reach the highest level. We will see Premier League football at the smallest stadium in the competition’s history (yep the one with the terraces in the back gardens etc) and I think Luton can use that to their advantage to shock a few of their more glamorous rivals. However, their squad is the weakest I’ve seen in many years and it would be a genuine miracle if they manage to survive after 38 games. Romance can play a part, but quality will always tell in the end.

19^th– Sheffield United

Sheffield United are a strange addition to the top division this year, as they’re actually suffering from financial uncertainty off the field, which means that they aren’t able to invest and improve the squad as you normally would when getting promoted. The last time they played a Prem season with full fan support, they turned Bramall Lane into a fortress and were the division’s surprise package. Whilst I imagine they’ll be tough to beat, I don’t see a repeat of that achievement this time around.

18^th– Bournemouth

Bournemouth are a real wildcard for me this year. On paper, they seem to have shot themselves in the foot, by sacking the manager that pulled off one of the most underrated escape acts of last year in Gary O’Neill and replacing him with the relatively unknown Andoni Iraola, without significantly improving a fairly weak squad. This will either go one of two ways: Iraola will live up to some of the hype and become the next Pochettino or De Zerbi, or it will prove a disaster and he’ll be gone by Christmas, with a desperate phone call to Big Sam coming too late to stop the bleeding. I’m personally betting on the latter.

17^th– Fulham

Is anyone else getting a strong whiff of second season syndrome?.. I’m sorry Fulham fans, it may feel like I have an agenda against you as I predicted you to go down last year, and now I’m predicting another season of struggle. Fulham were brilliant last year in finishing 10^th on their return to the top flight, making me look a fool in the process, but the underlying numbers showed they were over-performing on a lot of metrics (as promoted teams can sometimes do) and the uncertainty over Mitrovic’s future isn’t helping. If he goes, I don’t see where they’ll get enough goals from to match last season’s comfortable finish and so a relegation battle may be on the cards instead.

16^th– Everton

I mean, does this even need an explanation? This is just where Everton’s level is now, which is a travesty for a club with rich history and lofty ambitions. Squad-wise, they seem to get thinner and thinner every year, but finally made a sensible decision in appointing Sean Dyche. He kept them up on the last day last year and I think his nous and uncompromising, risk-free style will be just enough to keep them up again. You know it’s not going to be pretty though.

15^th– Wolves

Wolves seem to be on a worrying downslide. A few years ago, they looked the most credible threat to the traditional establishment, with their investment in talented (almost exclusively Portuguese) players and back-to-back 7^th placed finishes, including a run in the Europa League. That seems a world away now, with the spending having dried up and their best players moving on. Similarly to Everton, their biggest asset is their manager, with Julen Lopetegui doing a great job in turning their fortunes around last year. If he stays for a full year (and that looks very shaky) they’ll stay up. If he goes early and they don’t pick a sensible replacement, they could emulate Leicester and Southampton and find themselves falling through the trap door.

14^th– Burnley

Burnley are fashionable all of a sudden. Vincent Kompany’s arrival and subsequent steamrolling of the Championship, with a new possession-based and exciting brand of football, has drawn a lot of attention to the Clarets. The Premier League will obviously be a much bigger challenge, but I think Burnley may benefit from a weaker-looking bottom half this year and ride their new momentum to a comfortable mid-table finish. That will only boost Kompany’s reputation further, and how long they can keep hold of the former Man City captain may become an intriguing narrative going forward.

13^th– Brentford

Last season showed a lot of people, myself included, that you should never write off Brentford. The Bees have been brilliant since their promotion to the big time, but this season will pose a unique challenge, with their talisman Ivan Toney banned until January for betting offences. I think they’ll find it tougher for the first half of the season without the 20-goal forward, but the stage is set for Toney to return, Cantona-like, from his ban and lead Brentford comfortably to safety.

12^th– Crystal Palace

If anyone read my reactions at the end of last season, you’ll see I’m sticking with my claim that Palace are the easiest, and therefore dullest, team to predict every year. They have finished between 11^th and 14^th for seven straight seasons and I’m tipping them to make it eight. It will be interesting to see how they cope without Wilf Zaha, but to be honest, Eze and Olise have higher ceilings and should relish having more of the limelight. Plus, whilst he’s not exactly the sexy choice, Roy Hodgson is as close as there is to a guarantee of avoiding relegation.

11^th– Nott’m Forest

Time for the risky prediction! I like to throw one in each year, and whilst the rest of my bottom half is probably pretty similar to most people’s, I’m tipping Forest to be the surprise package and take the mantle as ‘best of the rest’. They just about avoided relegation last year on their return after 20-odd years away, despite a bizarre strategy of signing nearly thirty new first-team players. They’ve been much more reserved this time around, which I think speaks to Steve Cooper finally working out his best team. An exciting front three of Brennan Johnson, Awoyini and Gibbs-White started to click in the final ten games and if they can consistently produce across a whole season, I think Forest can build on, and better, last season’s nervy finish.

10^th– West Ham

Someone might want to tell West Ham they’ve got a gaping hole in their starting eleven, and over a hundred million to do something about it. Here we are, a week before the season’s start, and the Hammers are yet to make a single signing, despite letting inspirational captain Declan Rice leave for Arsenal. This means that, instead of riding the wave of their sensational Europa Conference League triumph, they start the new campaign feeling a bit flat. My prediction is that David Moyes will be the first manager sacked (as he should have gone out on the high of that win in Prague) but that a new manager and those late reinforcements that will surely come in over the coming days and weeks will be enough to take them to a top-half finish, which is really where they should be.

9^th– Brighton

It seems more apparent than usual that this year’s division is already split into two, or more accurately into a top 9 and a bottom 11. I don’t think any of the teams I’ve already mentioned will reach any higher than tenth and I don’t think anyone from this point will stoop below ninth. Its these two mini-divisions that are interesting. And I’m going with everyone’s second team, Brighton, first, but only because I hope and think that they’ll have a long run in the Europa League and will therefore have to de-prioritise certain Prem games over the course of the season. You could use the default “rebuilding” excuse considering they’ve once again lost key players, but that just doesn’t seem to apply to the Seagulls. I expect them to continue to thrill and shock the big boys, but matching last season’s sixth place may be a step too far.

8^th– Tottenham Hotspur

Is any side going into this season in a bigger state of chaos? Spurs have once again changed manager, appointing the impressive but unproven at the top level Ange Postecoglou. Harry Kane could well leave before their first game, and they still haven’t strengthened in key areas. They’ve made some good additions, like James Maddison, but they still seem way short of their rivals and if Kane was to leave without an adequate replacement, it feels like the sky could well and truly cave in. The only silver lining for Tottenham fans is that the last time I predicted Spurs to finish eighth, they appointed Antonio Conte mid-season and stormed into the Champions League. Good omens is the best I can offer at this point.

7^th– Aston Villa

Aston Villa have seemed to be threatening to break through to the elite for a few years now, with a string of impressive and ambitious transfer windows. The final piece, as it always is, was finally appointing the right manager and they’ve certainly got that now with Unai Emery. His remarkable record since his appointment in October, coupled with a few more big signings in Pau Torres, Youri Tielemans and Moussa Diaby, means that Villa are equipped to push for the Champions League this time around. However, they will surely go all out to win the Conference League, inspired by the effect that competition had on West Ham, and this may mean, like Brighton, they have to pick and choose their best eleven during the season’s closing stages and allow their rivals with bigger squads to squeeze in above them.

6^th– Chelsea

Never have I gone into a season less sure of where to place my own team. The scale of Chelsea’s disaster last term means that all bets are off, with the mother of all rebuilds having taken place over the summer, and with some glaring holes still apparent in the starting eleven. My head tells me that there is too big a gap to close on last season’s top five, who have all strengthened again. My heart tells me that we have made some sensible decisions (at last!) in appointing Pochettino and in getting rid of the dead wood and bringing in some young and hungry replacements. Time will tell, but I’m using Pochettino’s first season at Spurs as a good reference point: a steady but unspectacular Europa League qualification, before peaking in seasons two and three. Let’s be honest, it can’t possibly be any worse than last time.

5^th– Newcastle United

The big six is now, at the very least, a big seven. Newcastle are back in the Champions League at the first real attempt and they’re not going anywhere. Their spending has made a mockery of the scattergun expectations of the Saudi ownership, with further steady and sensible additions this summer (Todd Boehly could learn a thing or two!) and Eddie Howe has somehow outperformed some fairly high expectations as manager. I personally can’t wait to see the atmosphere at midweek European games at St James’s and once they have the taste for it, they’ll want to make it an annual event. The only caveat here is that I think they capitalised on a bad year for the traditional contenders last year, with Tottenham, Chelsea and (to a certain extent) Liverpool having a complete nightmare. That won’t happen this time and so the Magpies may have to take a small step back, before their inevitable next leap forwards.

4^th– Manchester United

The placing of the next three teams was the hardest part of this set of predictions, and they could be rearranged in a different order very easily, but I’m hesitantly putting United fourth for now. For once, I actually really rate their transfer business: Onana is a huge upgrade in every modern goalkeeping department, Mount broke my heart by leaving Chelsea and remains so underrated by the wider football public and Holjund looks a future superstar. Erik Ten Hag also proved last year that they finally have the right man in charge. The only negative I can come up with is that their forward line still looks weak compared to the three I’ve put above them. Maybe Holjund will solve that issue in time, but he looks a signing for the next two or three years, rather than the here and now, and so United will once again have to settle for close-but-not-close-enough this season.

 3^rd– Liverpool

My record in predicting Liverpool is abysmal. Two years ago, I predicted them to just about scrape Champions League, and they ended up two results away from doing the Quadruple. Last year, I had them as league winners and they preceded to have a disaster for most of the season, only salvaging 5^th place with a last-minute resurgence.  They’re clearly going through a transition, losing key figures like Milner, Henderson, Fabinho and Firmino, but I love the signings they’ve made and their forward line is still arguably the best in the league. They will undoubtedly be better than last year; the question is whether they can improve enough to again be City’s one true nemesis.

2^nd– Arsenal

When the hell did Arsenal get good again? For nearly the entirety of my football-watching life, the Gunners have been the most entertainingly predictable side: showing glimpses of potential before ultimately missing out where it matters. And then, out of nowhere, Mikel Arteta conjured up a title-challenging side last season, and has improved it further with the addition of Rice, Timber and (maybe…) Havertz. The question marks remain over their mentality in the high-pressure matches, but I would point out that there’s no shame in being second best to the best side in Premier League history. And I’m afraid that’s where I see their destiny once again. They’re really good, but just not as good as…

1^st– Manchester City

I made the mistake last time of daring to pick someone else as title winners, and I was taught a harsh lesson. City are this generation’s equivalent of Liverpool in the 70’s/80’s and United in the 90’s. The dominant, metronomic force, where it takes something truly remarkable (a la Liverpool’s 99 points in 19-20) to overcome them. Even more worrying is that they’ve finally laid their Champions League demons to rest by completing the treble in Istanbul. As insane as it seems, I think Erling Haaland will actually improve on last season’s goal tally and despite some key departures, Guardiola will probably once again develop a new tactical innovation that catches everyone else out. The sad reality is that the Premier League’s other contenders all know they are waiting for Pep to leave before they can finally topple the goliath that his City have become. 

Another one bites the dust. The 2022-23 Premier League season is officially in the books. And with the World Cup taking place in the middle, this has felt like a longer, more arduous campaign than most, or maybe that’s just because I’m a Chelsea fan…

The final day lacked some of the drama from the previous campaign, but there have been so many memorable moments throughout the last ten months. Thomas Tuchel and Antonio Conte just about having time for an iconic scrap before both left their respective jobs; Erling Haaland’s inhuman early season scoring spree, including three consecutive home hat-tricks; a below-par Liverpool somehow beating an improved Man United 7-0; Arsenal’s excellent surprise title charge and then subsequent bottling; Spurs putting in an entry for the Spursiest moment of all in going 5-0 down in 20 minutes against Newcastle and then topping it a week later by coming back from 3-0 down at Anfield only to immediately concede a late winner.

This has also been a season that has some claim to be the most unpredictable of all, with some startling fluctuations in form from both the division’s most well-known and lesser-heralded sides, whilst the most manic of all managerial merry-go-rounds hasn’t helped in maintaining a more traditional order of things.

So yes, I got my excuse in early. It was a really hard one to predict. Perhaps you’ll bear that in mind as I shamefully reflect on my predictions from back in July…

20^th– Southampton
My prediction- 19^th

I said: “My prediction is that they have a difficult start, panic and fire Ralph Hasenhuttl and then end up even worse off.”

How it turned out: Boom! What a start. And some long-awaited vindication as I’ve actually been calling this for a few years. The Saints had been circling the drain for a while and made the exact mistake I foresaw: sacking Hasenhuttl and replacing him with the hopelessly out-of-his-depth Nathan Jones. A stern lesson that investing in inexperience, both in terms of players and managers, rarely pays off.

19^th– Leeds
My prediction- 16^th

I said: “It feels like it could either be a disaster or a much-needed change, but for now I’ll say they’ll just about avoid the drop.”

How it turned out: It was a disaster as it turned out. Again a case of the grass not always being greener when it comes to sacking managers. Though in truth, Leeds have had a complete identity crisis since Bielsa left, and without his insane brand of football, they have been exposed as nothing more than a bang-average team who concede far too many goals.

18^th– Leicester
My prediction- 8^th

I said: “I think a lot of people are sleeping on Leicester this year. I think they still have the best attack outside of the big six. Barnes, Vardy and Maddison, with Daka to come in, is firepower the other teams around them can only dream of.”

How it turned out: Oh Christ. And this is where the laughable predictions begin. In fairness, Leicester being relegated was a surprise to most, after a number of seasons of being the ‘best of the rest’ outside of the top six, but there were definitely some worrying signs going into this campaign that I seemed to ignore. My comment on their attacking powers was valid, it was just that their defence was so shambolic that it still wasn’t enough to save them.

17^th– Everton
My prediction- 15^th

I said: “I think their season hinges on if Dominic Calvert-Lewin can stay fit. If he does, you’d think he would score enough to keep them clear of danger. If he doesn’t, then they may finally fall down that dreaded trap door of relegation.”

How it turned out: Well, Calvert-Lewin didn’t stay fit and they just about stayed up by the skin of their teeth. Their current role as annual relegation battlers is the product of endless bad decisions at boardroom level, but they might have finally made a good one in appointing Sean Dyche. I’m not sure anyone else could have kept this sorry mob up.

16^th– Nott’m Forest
My prediction- 14^th

I said: “I like to throw in one bold prediction each year and here is this year’s version. Nottingham Forest to stay up, and comfortably so. I think they’ll basically do a Brentford and spend most of the year comfortably in mid-table, rather than scrapping for their lives at the bottom.”

How it turned out: This was a real rollercoaster watching this prediction play out. At first, it looked another disaster as they just wouldn’t stop signing players and seemed to have pulled a classic “too many cooks”, before an upturn in form at the start of 2023 began to make my claim look feasible. And then they got dragged into the relegation battle once again, but found a final burst of form right when it mattered to ultimately avoid the drop.

15^th– Bournemouth
My prediction- 20^th

I said: “And for me, the weakest of the three (promoted sides) looks to be Bournemouth. Unfortunately for the Cherries, I fear their Premier League return may be short-lived.”

How it turned out: Arguably the surprise package of the season and certainly one of the most underrated managerial performances from Gary O’Neil. Everyone had written Bournemouth off, with a weak-looking squad and a dreadful start that included a 9-0 thrashing at Anfield. And yet they recovered superbly and ended up surviving relatively comfortably in the end.

14^th– West Ham
My prediction- 7^th

I said: “I don’t see them finishing any higher than seventh, which is why they should go all out to win the Europa Conference League.”

How it turned out: Well they didn’t finish any higher than seventh! This was a bad prediction with some really solid reasoning behind it as I basically explained that the Hammers should put their energy into winning the Conference League, which they have done, but at the complete cost of their previously solid league form. Still, if they can defeat Fiorentina in Prague, the mid-season struggles will all be worth it.

13^th– Wolves
My prediction: 11^th

I said: “It’s been a strange old summer for the old gold, after a promising first campaign under Bruno Lage. Like Brighton, they’ll be absolutely fine, but might regret not kicking on when they had the chance.”

How it turned out: I guess this is kind of right? Wolves’ season was another that started awfully under Lage and interim boss Steve Davis, but hiring Julen Lopetegui after the World Cup was an astute appointment and he took them to comfortable safety in the end. They should heed the warning of what has happened to Leicester though, as the second you stop moving forwards in this league, you start falling fast.

12^th– Chelsea
My prediction: 4^th

I said: “Based on squad depth, the Blues are still the side best placed to push Liverpool and City, but a rejigged defence and possible change in formation might mean its still too soon for a proper title challenge.”

How it tuned out: I mean, where do I start? I’m not going to go on forever as I’ve already written separate blogs at different stages of Chelsea’s disastrous ‘annus horribilis’, but the best way to sum it up is that this prediction went through various different stages over this season: from overly-optimistic to misjudged to pitiful to frankly laughable. A fitting guide to the fortunes of the club itself.

11^th– Crystal Palace
My prediction- 13th

I said: “I wouldn’t be surprised if they made a push for European Football this year. It’s just the strength of their squad that might hold them back, as if Zaha gets injured, you wonder where the creativity and goals will come from.”

How it turned out: Again, not bad, but Palace are the easiest side to predict year in year out. Top of the bottom half. Never anywhere near the European race but never looking in danger of relegation either. That’s possibly an unfair appraisal of their season as it was only Roy Hodgson’s latest resurrection that inspired their free-flowing improvements in the latter half, but its telling that I’m fairly confident I’ll be putting Palace in exactly the same place come August.

10^th– Fulham
My prediction- 18^th

I said: “Ah Fulham. Welcome Back! And… see you later. The precedent has been set by their previous two years in the top flight and whilst I must admit I think they will put up more of a fight than they did in those two campaigns, I still think they will fall just short.”

How it turned out: Another one I got badly, badly wrong. I think I was scarred by predicting Norwich to survive the previous year and had got sucked into the memes of those two clubs being in an endless promotion-relegation spin cycle. Instead, Fulham have been great, Marco Silva has proven himself in the top flight and they’ve even showed they are more than a one-man team when Mitrovic has been missing.

9^th– Brentford
My prediction- 17^th

I said: “Putting them so low this time around is down to two simple factors. Second season syndrome and the lack of Christian Eriksen.”

How it turned out: And… another one. I told you I had a nightmare this year. The logic behind my placing of them as relegation battlers was obviously steeped in football cliches, but the Bees have shown that they are far too well-run to fall victim to those. They’ll have even bigger shoes than Eriksen to fill next year with Ivan Toney being banned for his gambling issues, but I certainly won’t be making the mistake of writing them off again.

8^th– Tottenham
My prediction- 3^rd

I said: “Conte may be able to turn Spurs into genuine title contenders and even finally win them a trophy. Quite frankly, if he can’t do it with this squad, then no-one can.”

How it turned out: It’s easy to forget, but my view on Spurs ahead of the season was actually a pretty common one. Based off their late surge to the Champions League from the previous campaign and some big-name signings, things seemed to finally be on the up. And then it all spectacularly fell apart. How Harry Kane scored 30 goals for a side this average is anyone’s guess. And god knows who they get in next as manager. They seem to have become football’s ultimate poisoned chalice.

7^th– Aston Villa
My prediction- 10^th

I said: “It’s a really important season for Villa, and for manager Steven Gerrard, as it feels like both have big ambitions that need to come to fruition sooner rather than later.”

How it turned out: Well, Villa’s ambitions did come to fruition. Gerrard’s certainly didn’t. Aston Villa this season might be the perfect example of how important a good manager is to a club. Unai Emery turned a lifeless side who played the most uninspiring football in the division into a well-oiled machine who stormed to European football. And with Emery’s record in continental competition, they’re surely odds-on to win the Conference League next season.

6^th– Brighton
My prediction- 12^th

I said: “I still think they’ll be solidly mid-table, but another top-half finish might be too much of an ask for a squad undergoing a minor rebuild.”

How it turned out: Like Brentford, Brighton are another club who laugh in the face of traditional football logic. Sell your best players? Lose your manager after only six games? Only sign unknown youngsters from the world’s untapped markets? Have your best-ever league finish, qualify for Europa League, reach the FA Cup semis and do it all by playing tactically fascinating and eminently watchable football. They are the club of the moment. And they deserve to be.

5^th– Liverpool
My prediction- 1^st

I said: “My thinking is based on recent history, as I think from a mentality point of view, the motivation of winning the title after coming so close last year is possibly stronger than if you were trying to retain it, as we saw in 2019-20 when Liverpool finally broke their 30-year drought.”

How it turned out: Again, who saw this season coming from the Reds? Considering how bad it was at one stage, they actually did quite well to recover to get fifth, which says it all when a year previous they were not far off a quadruple. They’ll come again, you would think, but there’s no getting away from the fact that my predicted champions barely made it off the starting blocks in the title race.

4^th– Newcastle
My prediction- 9^th

I said: “It might actually prove to be a smart move to steadily add to the solid foundations Eddie Howe has already managed to build in his short tenure as manager and I think at the very least, they will start the season aiming for Europe, rather than fearing yet another relegation battle.”

How it turned out: It was telling that in the player interviews after Newcastle had clinched Champions League football with a home draw against Leicester, they all mentioned that top ten was a realistic target at the start of the season. They are so far ahead of schedule in terms of the sporting project taking shape on Tyneside and that is all down to the management of Eddie Howe. He doesn’t get the credit he deserves, because of their new and controversial riches, but returning the club to Europe’s top competition constitutes a huge over-achievement.

3^rd– Manchester United
My prediction- 5^th

I said: “I think it would take one of last season’s top four to undergo a serious drop in form for United to sneak in to the Champions League places, so it will have to be slow and steady progress for Ten Hag in the league, and perhaps a focus on winning a cup instead.”

How it tuned out: Considering how shocking some of my other predictions have been, I’m actually going to give myself some credit here. United have surprised me a bit, but essentially they have benefitted from Liverpool and Chelsea dipping dramatically and they did focus on winning a cup (could even be a double). Ten Hag deserves loads of credit as he inherited a real mess, but the question with United is can they sustain this upwards trajectory? They’ve had a lot of false dawns before.

2^nd– Arsenal
My prediction- 6^th

I said: “They’ve spent some serious money, but they have a gift for signing players they don’t really need. I may be wrong, but it feels like they may have actually lost ground in the race between the big-boys.”

How it turned out: Don’t mind me, I’m just stuffing my face with the world’s biggest humble pie. Inspired by those signings that apparently they didn’t need, Arsenal embarked on their first serious title charge in a decade and at one point, looked like they might do the unthinkable and actually win the thing. They’ve taken some stick for falling at the final hurdle, but looking back at the predictions of idiots like me shows just how good a season it has been for the Gunners.

1^st– Manchester City
My prediction- 2^nd

I said: “Even with Haaland joining, I would argue their squad is ever so slightly thinner than in the last few years. I’m almost talking myself out of this prediction as I write it, but just for the sake of a change, I’m going to say City, for once, will have to settle for second.”

How it turned out: I should’ve talked myself out of it. Sometimes the obvious choice is obvious for a reason. And when the reigning champions add the best striker in the world to their ranks, they should have been nailed-on to retain their title. Their dominance is turning the Premier League into a one-horse race and they might earn a further place in history by completing a stunning treble. I’ll be putting them first next time, no doubt about that. 

This is a blog I’ve been thinking about for ages and one that requires minimal effort from me but hopefully creates lots of enjoyment for the reader. The best thing about football is goals. Whether they’re tapped in from a yard or smashed in from thirty, showcase sensational technique or awe-inspiring agility, are works of individual brilliance or complete team synchronisation. And we all know the classics. The Van Basten volley. The Maradona non-handball one against England. Zidane in the Champions League Final. Rooney’s overhead kick. The list goes on.

So, I want to shine a light on the great goals that you may either have missed, or entirely forgotten. The hidden gems of the screamer section. This is totally subjective of course and speaks just as much to the kind of goals I like, as it does to which of them actually has the most merit, but I’ve tried to diversify as much as I can and pick a different goal for each slot in this top ten. A disclaimer also goes out here that I’m not including goals that are so often called underrated that they can no longer in fact claim to be underrated- the epitome of this is Pajtim Kasami’s worldie for Fulham at Selhurst Park.  

And so without further ado, and with all clips provided, please enjoy this selection of some of the game’s secret stunners.

#10- Gareth Bale vs Sunderland (Premier League, 2013)

Okay, so there’s a reason this is number ten. It’s the least unique goal of any of this collection, in the sense that a lot of players have hit thunderbolts into the top corner over the years and Bale himself has done it on the regular. But there’s just something so strangely satisfying about this one. It’s the way he allows the ball to spin up onto his chest, the way he stands dead still as the terrified defender backs off, the way he shifts it just enough to wrap his foot around it. This was Bale at his very best; his final season at Spurs where he was the most feared player in the land and he would win matches all on his own. This was also an 90^th minute winner on the final day, so in many ways he fittingly saved his best till last.  

#9- Olivier Giroud vs Sweden (World Cup Qualifier, 2017)

Now for another man who has made a career on scoring spectacular goals. Think of Giroud and everyone thinks of the scorpion kick, but my favourite goal of his is this lesser-known gem for his country in an unremarkable World Cup Qualifier. I just have a thing for self-set-up goals; it’s the skill I have attempted (to no success) the most. It’s just so damn sexy. While the best of this category is surely Ruben Neves vs Derby, that’s too well-known and this one from Giroud is nearly as good, with the way the ball arcs in from outside the post just adding to the sumptuous technique on show. Merci Olivier.

#8- Cristiano Ronaldo vs Liverpool (Champions League, 2014)

This might actually be my favourite goal of all time. I know, it’s a rogue shout. It’s one I remember watching live and thinking that the commentators and pundits weren’t making enough of a fuss over and it just gets better with every new watch. It’s only so low on this list because there’s nothing out of this world about it, but for me, it’s a showcase of elite-level football at its very finest. Madrid pass the ball around, working it through the thirds, and then it comes to Ronaldo, who plays a one-two with James Rodriguez. Rodriguez has ended up having a frustrating and arguably underwhelming career, after his glittering introduction at the 2014 World Cup, but he’s always possessed that maverick talent that I love, and here is a prime example. Control with the right, inch-perfect dab with the left and Ronaldo rushes on to it bury a chance that I think only he in his prime could finish so emphatically. Beautiful.

#7- Lionel Messi vs Arsenal (Champions League, 2011)

Where Ronaldo appears, Messi inevitably follows. Another goal in the Champions League. Another against an English side. Another that probably doesn’t even make the top thirty in either legend’s astonishing career. But another work of sheer genius. For me, the joy of watching top-level football is seeing a player do something that the average footballer could not only fail to do, but something they would fail to even think about. We’ve seen this scenario a million times: attacker is put through one-on-one with the goalkeeper with the ball bouncing slightly awkwardly. Sometimes players will get good contact and score, sometimes they’ll dummy the keeper and go round him, sometimes they’ll miscontrol or scuff it entirely. No-one, bar Lionel Messi of course, would consider flicking the ball straight up, so that the keeper dives under it, and then volleying into the empty net. The best player to ever play the game and here is a perfect example of why.

#6- Luis Garcia vs Anderlecht (Champions League, 2005)

You know a goal’s underrated when there’s only a blurry 6-second clip of it. A top ten goal compilation wouldn’t be complete without a headed effort, and this is arguably the hardest to pick, as its so difficult for a header to stand out. This effort from Luis Garcia against Anderlecht does exactly that however. A. He’s on the edge of the box when he makes contact. B. He’s facing the wrong way. C. There’s not even that much pace on the cross. It’s all generated by his neck muscles and body position (watch to the end and pause on the close-up of the contact, it’s all so deliberate). The greatest header ever? Possibly. And it’s a goal few people will ever have seen.

#5- Elano vs Newcastle (Premier League, 2007)

Now for my free-kick pick. There have been some iconic goals in this particular genre, such as Ronaldo vs Portsmouth, Beckham vs Greece, Ward-Prowse vs Wolves etc. This might just be my favourite though. Elano was not the first or last to go for the laces/knuckleball style of shooting from a dead-ball, but I’ve rarely seen someone go for the keeper’s side when using that technique. He says to Shay Given: I don’t care that you’re there, this fucker’s going in anyway. And he absolutely rips it up, hitting the very definition of top bins. It’s got wobble, it’s got pace, it’s got height. It pretty much has everything. Shout out to the commentary as well, which just adds to the enjoyment.

#4- Luis Suarez vs Newcastle (Premier League, 2012)

Funnily enough, its Newcastle again on the receiving end of another one-in-a-million wondergoal, but this time five years later. I cannot for the life of me understand why this goal is never in the debate when it comes to the Premier League’s Greatest. People don’t even consider it Suarez’s best, as they tend to think about his multiple screamers against Norwich. But, referring back to my Messi entry, when someone does something so unique and impressive as this, it has to be celebrated. It’s a brilliant long pass from Luis Enrique, but a near impossible one to control, coming over Suarez’s head and with Coloccini on his back. And yet he does control it- on his fucking shoulder. An insane piece of balance and technique and strength, and he then has the presence of mind to calmly round the keeper and pass into the net. Astonishingly good. And I’ve not seen another goal anything like it.

#3- Radamel Falcao vs America de Cali (Friendly, 2012)

Full disclosure: the only reason this is not number one is because it was in a friendly. Now we all love an overhead kick; Ronaldo vs Juventus, Bale vs Liverpool, Rooney vs City etc. It’s such an impressive feat to reach the ball at a difficult height and connect well enough to find the net. It’s even more impressive when you’re scoring one from a corner! Honestly, the timing on this is just remarkable. He has to wait and make sure he jumps at exactly the right moment as the ball comes in from the corner flag. And unlike Rooney, there’s not an inch of shin involved; the connection is as clean as a whistle. Simply the best goal that I bet you’ve never seen or heard of.

#2- Matthew Lowton vs Stoke (Premier League, 2013)

To kick this off, this goal did not even win Goal of the Month. Which rankled with me at the time and has stayed with me ever since. Okay, so Van Persie’s goal against Aston Villa is a classic and was in a game that won United the title, but I’m sorry this is just better and it was in the last minute to win a crucial match in Villa’s relegation battle, not an easy title procession. The ball is dropping out of the sky, Matt Lowton has two players charging him down. He controls it perfectly on his chest and then unleashes a dipping volley that soars into the top right corner. And from a player who I don’t think ever scored again for Villa, if at all in his career. If that was someone like Neymar, it would be on a constant Instagram loop. Get the petition ready- #JusticeforLowton.

#1- Wilfried Gnonto vs Cardiff (FA Cup, 2023)

And so we reach number one and the whole reason I was inspired to start thinking up this list. Again, like Falcao’s, this will be forgotten because of the game in which it was scored in- a third round replay in which Leeds won at a canter, a game I doubt many people saw or even know happened. But for me, it’s the best goal I’ve seen in a long time. Everyone knows Paulo Di Canio’s iconic double-leg scissor volley against Wimbledon, and this is nearly as good as that. The most difficult thing in football is to connect with a ball from a distance as it is dropping in front of you. And he has the added factor of a defender being right in front of him, only just missing the header. To time the scissor kick that well and get so much power on it is sensational. It’s not a mishit, its right off the laces once more and its past the Cardiff keeper before he can even move. A recent contender, but one that deservedly takes the top spot of the most underrated goals of all time.