This is a blog I’ve been thinking about for ages and one that requires minimal effort from me but hopefully creates lots of enjoyment for the reader. The best thing about football is goals. Whether they’re tapped in from a yard or smashed in from thirty, showcase sensational technique or awe-inspiring agility, are works of individual brilliance or complete team synchronisation. And we all know the classics. The Van Basten volley. The Maradona non-handball one against England. Zidane in the Champions League Final. Rooney’s overhead kick. The list goes on.
So, I want to shine a light on the great goals that you may either have missed, or entirely forgotten. The hidden gems of the screamer section. This is totally subjective of course and speaks just as much to the kind of goals I like, as it does to which of them actually has the most merit, but I’ve tried to diversify as much as I can and pick a different goal for each slot in this top ten. A disclaimer also goes out here that I’m not including goals that are so often called underrated that they can no longer in fact claim to be underrated- the epitome of this is Pajtim Kasami’s worldie for Fulham at Selhurst Park.
And so without further ado, and with all clips provided, please enjoy this selection of some of the game’s secret stunners.
#10- Gareth Bale vs Sunderland (Premier League, 2013)
Okay, so there’s a reason this is number ten. It’s the least unique goal of any of this collection, in the sense that a lot of players have hit thunderbolts into the top corner over the years and Bale himself has done it on the regular. But there’s just something so strangely satisfying about this one. It’s the way he allows the ball to spin up onto his chest, the way he stands dead still as the terrified defender backs off, the way he shifts it just enough to wrap his foot around it. This was Bale at his very best; his final season at Spurs where he was the most feared player in the land and he would win matches all on his own. This was also an 90th minute winner on the final day, so in many ways he fittingly saved his best till last.
#9- Olivier Giroud vs Sweden (World Cup Qualifier, 2017)
Now for another man who has made a career on scoring spectacular goals. Think of Giroud and everyone thinks of the scorpion kick, but my favourite goal of his is this lesser-known gem for his country in an unremarkable World Cup Qualifier. I just have a thing for self-set-up goals; it’s the skill I have attempted (to no success) the most. It’s just so damn sexy. While the best of this category is surely Ruben Neves vs Derby, that’s too well-known and this one from Giroud is nearly as good, with the way the ball arcs in from outside the post just adding to the sumptuous technique on show. Merci Olivier.
#8- Cristiano Ronaldo vs Liverpool (Champions League, 2014)
This might actually be my favourite goal of all time. I know, it’s a rogue shout. It’s one I remember watching live and thinking that the commentators and pundits weren’t making enough of a fuss over and it just gets better with every new watch. It’s only so low on this list because there’s nothing out of this world about it, but for me, it’s a showcase of elite-level football at its very finest. Madrid pass the ball around, working it through the thirds, and then it comes to Ronaldo, who plays a one-two with James Rodriguez. Rodriguez has ended up having a frustrating and arguably underwhelming career, after his glittering introduction at the 2014 World Cup, but he’s always possessed that maverick talent that I love, and here is a prime example. Control with the right, inch-perfect dab with the left and Ronaldo rushes on to it bury a chance that I think only he in his prime could finish so emphatically. Beautiful.
#7- Lionel Messi vs Arsenal (Champions League, 2011)
Where Ronaldo appears, Messi inevitably follows. Another goal in the Champions League. Another against an English side. Another that probably doesn’t even make the top thirty in either legend’s astonishing career. But another work of sheer genius. For me, the joy of watching top-level football is seeing a player do something that the average footballer could not only fail to do, but something they would fail to even think about. We’ve seen this scenario a million times: attacker is put through one-on-one with the goalkeeper with the ball bouncing slightly awkwardly. Sometimes players will get good contact and score, sometimes they’ll dummy the keeper and go round him, sometimes they’ll miscontrol or scuff it entirely. No-one, bar Lionel Messi of course, would consider flicking the ball straight up, so that the keeper dives under it, and then volleying into the empty net. The best player to ever play the game and here is a perfect example of why.
#6- Luis Garcia vs Anderlecht (Champions League, 2005)
You know a goal’s underrated when there’s only a blurry 6-second clip of it. A top ten goal compilation wouldn’t be complete without a headed effort, and this is arguably the hardest to pick, as its so difficult for a header to stand out. This effort from Luis Garcia against Anderlecht does exactly that however. A. He’s on the edge of the box when he makes contact. B. He’s facing the wrong way. C. There’s not even that much pace on the cross. It’s all generated by his neck muscles and body position (watch to the end and pause on the close-up of the contact, it’s all so deliberate). The greatest header ever? Possibly. And it’s a goal few people will ever have seen.
#5- Elano vs Newcastle (Premier League, 2007)
Now for my free-kick pick. There have been some iconic goals in this particular genre, such as Ronaldo vs Portsmouth, Beckham vs Greece, Ward-Prowse vs Wolves etc. This might just be my favourite though. Elano was not the first or last to go for the laces/knuckleball style of shooting from a dead-ball, but I’ve rarely seen someone go for the keeper’s side when using that technique. He says to Shay Given: I don’t care that you’re there, this fucker’s going in anyway. And he absolutely rips it up, hitting the very definition of top bins. It’s got wobble, it’s got pace, it’s got height. It pretty much has everything. Shout out to the commentary as well, which just adds to the enjoyment.
#4- Luis Suarez vs Newcastle (Premier League, 2012)
Funnily enough, its Newcastle again on the receiving end of another one-in-a-million wondergoal, but this time five years later. I cannot for the life of me understand why this goal is never in the debate when it comes to the Premier League’s Greatest. People don’t even consider it Suarez’s best, as they tend to think about his multiple screamers against Norwich. But, referring back to my Messi entry, when someone does something so unique and impressive as this, it has to be celebrated. It’s a brilliant long pass from Luis Enrique, but a near impossible one to control, coming over Suarez’s head and with Coloccini on his back. And yet he does control it- on his fucking shoulder. An insane piece of balance and technique and strength, and he then has the presence of mind to calmly round the keeper and pass into the net. Astonishingly good. And I’ve not seen another goal anything like it.
#3- Radamel Falcao vs America de Cali (Friendly, 2012)
Full disclosure: the only reason this is not number one is because it was in a friendly. Now we all love an overhead kick; Ronaldo vs Juventus, Bale vs Liverpool, Rooney vs City etc. It’s such an impressive feat to reach the ball at a difficult height and connect well enough to find the net. It’s even more impressive when you’re scoring one from a corner! Honestly, the timing on this is just remarkable. He has to wait and make sure he jumps at exactly the right moment as the ball comes in from the corner flag. And unlike Rooney, there’s not an inch of shin involved; the connection is as clean as a whistle. Simply the best goal that I bet you’ve never seen or heard of.
#2- Matthew Lowton vs Stoke (Premier League, 2013)
To kick this off, this goal did not even win Goal of the Month. Which rankled with me at the time and has stayed with me ever since. Okay, so Van Persie’s goal against Aston Villa is a classic and was in a game that won United the title, but I’m sorry this is just better and it was in the last minute to win a crucial match in Villa’s relegation battle, not an easy title procession. The ball is dropping out of the sky, Matt Lowton has two players charging him down. He controls it perfectly on his chest and then unleashes a dipping volley that soars into the top right corner. And from a player who I don’t think ever scored again for Villa, if at all in his career. If that was someone like Neymar, it would be on a constant Instagram loop. Get the petition ready- #JusticeforLowton.
#1- Wilfried Gnonto vs Cardiff (FA Cup, 2023)
And so we reach number one and the whole reason I was inspired to start thinking up this list. Again, like Falcao’s, this will be forgotten because of the game in which it was scored in- a third round replay in which Leeds won at a canter, a game I doubt many people saw or even know happened. But for me, it’s the best goal I’ve seen in a long time. Everyone knows Paulo Di Canio’s iconic double-leg scissor volley against Wimbledon, and this is nearly as good as that. The most difficult thing in football is to connect with a ball from a distance as it is dropping in front of you. And he has the added factor of a defender being right in front of him, only just missing the header. To time the scissor kick that well and get so much power on it is sensational. It’s not a mishit, its right off the laces once more and its past the Cardiff keeper before he can even move. A recent contender, but one that deservedly takes the top spot of the most underrated goals of all time.
George F Brown 