Me. And me now. Joyce. Ulysses. Ages since I’ve read any. He’s a clever fucker. Too clever for me. But I got what he’s doing. At least. Me. And me now. Me now is happy. Mannheim is shining through the icy breeze of winter. Christina. Christina. She’s new. She’s different. And that’s amazing. She makes me laugh. It clicks. And she’s German. A German girl in Germany. I can pull in two countries. International Love Baby. All about me of course. Kissing her. How kissing should be. Warm. That buzz. Like the first sip of a hot chocolate. Been productive actually today. Brought a scarf. And gloves. Like the scarf. Went for a run. Used the gloves. Need to go more. Probably look as fat as I can remember. Still not fat fat. But need to shake myself out of the lull.
Technology has led to the birth of a new kind of frustration. As in one that just didn’t exist a century ago. Total anger at an inanimate object who we project a personality on in order to feel hatred for it. Strange. Fucking infuriating. They do seem to have a sense of mischief. An upgrade is never needed when you’re bored and carelessly browsing. Yet, when you urgently need information that only the internet can provide… Computer will restart immediately. Fuck’s sake. I need coffee now. Day of intellectual thinking is tiring. Enjoyed the lecture though. Good lecturer. The best I have here actually. I suppose it helps I like the subject. Civil War to the Present. America. The great unexplored entity of my life. So far. There was an embarrassing moment though. He asked if anyone couldn’t speak German. Meekly I raised my hand. I was at the front. No idea if anyone else did. But he directed his translation at me. Should I be able to speak German? In fairness, even if I could hold a conversation, which I can’t, I wouldn’t have been able to translate the academic paragraph. I’ve got Duolingo at least. Trinkt Sie. She is drinking. Boom.
He also asked if I was Irish. I choke out “English” in retort. Quite flattered by the assumption really. Irish is more interesting. Time to grab a coffee. Need to get money out. I’m skint. For the first time here, I am worried about money. Spoke to the Uni today. The Study Abroad Team. Erasmus is still weeks away. They’re a bit of a shambles. What if people were relying on that money? I’m not. I’ve got parents that can help and an overdraft. But I’ll have been here three months by the time I get it. Might just extend the overdraft again. Rely on the virtual money till the real stuff arrives.
This is my favourite coffee shop. They recognise me now. Accept my Englishness. Delicious Salmon Bagel. Healthy. I’m tired. Not looking forward to next lecture. I’ll text a friend. See if he’s going. That’ll give me a reason. Right leg feels a bit numb. The tables are too close to the sofas here. That’s my one complaint. Pretty girls in long coats come in. Caramel Macchiato. Peach Iced Tea. He’s not going. Eurgh. I justified it earlier as I didn’t go last week and I won’t go next week. If I go today, at least there’s a pattern. It’s on De Beauvoir. Kind of intriguing. Afterwards I can nap. Right okay I’m going. I like feeling studious. It shouldn’t be hard to attend five things a week. Five minutes and I’ll make a move. Stretch leg out. Don’t want cramp. Ulysses is starting to drag. I feel like I’m only capable of skim reading now. Honestly, symptom of modern world. Attention span of a goldfish. The Goldfish Generation. Information relayed immediately or focus is lost. Check time. Couple more mins. Deep breath. I feel like I’m building this up to be a challenge so it will like an achievement. That sounds philosophical. Should write a self-help book. They have a flyer promoting a “Cheeseshake.” Sounds disgusting. The colour is purple. Really. Whose idea was that? The amount of times light will reflect off my phone screen and I mistake it for a notification is astonishing. I’m like a fucking cat chasing a laser dot. Aren’t we all? Ooh I like that. That’s going in a novel someday.
George F Brown 